let's fall to pieces together
by liviafan1
Summary: "He brushes her hair back from her face carefully, doesn't want to wake her in case she'd gotten up at all in the middle of the night. His breath catches when he finds the dried mascara tracks down her cheeks, following the length of her jaw. He shouldn't be surprised. He's not surprised. But he'd hoped - He hoped she'd wake him if she needed him." Two-shot. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a two shot, even though this first part isn't all that long. It just felt right.****  
**

**For Rissa. Love you, girl. You're a rockstar.**

* * *

He wakes to the beat of the dim winter sun against his face, her warm nose nestled in the crook of his neck, her fingers pressing into the skin of his back, like she can't quite get close enough to him.

He brushes her hair back from her face carefully, doesn't want to wake her in case she'd gotten up at all in the middle of the night. His breath catches when he finds the dried mascara tracks down her cheeks, following the length of her jaw. He shouldn't be surprised.

He's _not _surprised. But he'd hoped -

He hoped she'd wake him if she needed him.

But she's here now, curled up next to him - breathing him in - and that makes it better. He doesn't need to be needed - he just wants it so. But he knows that's selfish of him.

He lets out a little sigh, leans down to brush his mouth against her forehead, holds her a little tighter until she wakes up.

* * *

He's got a book clutched in his left hand, his right thumb soothing circles at her hip when she wakes, a soft sigh at his ear. She lays a hand on his chest then, keeping the beat of his heart under his fingertips where she can't lose it.

He sets the book onto the nightstand and locks his hand over hers, turning into her, burrowing himself under the covers again.

"Hey," he says softly, smoothing the line of her jaw with his thumb.

"Hey," she rasps back, lifting her head slightly to press a soft, fleeting kiss to his lips.

"You were up?" he asks,

She nods, stroking her fingers down his chest, a soothing balm for the ache in his chest. "Around four. Didn't want to wake you."

He nods.

"How'd you know?"

"Your mascara isn't waterproof," he says gently. "You should've woken me."

"There's nothing you could've done."

"Not true," he murmurs against her temple. "I could've held you."

"You're holding me now," she replies. "Sometimes I gotta work it out for myself, you know?"

"And the rest of today?"

"Want you with me," she sighs against him.

"This isn't about me. If you don't want - if you need to be alone, I can - "

She presses her fingers to his lips, shushing him. "I got up in the middle of the night without you, Castle. So if I tell you that I want to be with you today, I mean that."

"Right - Yeah."

He sounds like such a foolish idiot, but it's - well, it's new waters for both of them. She's never let him spend this day with her. And now, well -

He's terrified of putting his foot in his mouth.

She props herself up on her elbow, piercing him with her deep hazel eyes. "Don't walk on eggshells around me, Rick. Just be here with me."

"And where exactly is here?"

She sighs, her eyes slipping closed for a moment. "I need to feel the sun on my face and the ground beneath my feet. I need you and my father and - "

Her eyes flutter open then, her jaw trembling as her voice cracks. "I need a reminder of what's good in the world."

He leans his forehead against hers. "I can do that."

She gives him a watery smile. "Good."

* * *

She's tugging on a cream-colored turtleneck sweater when he steps out of the shower, towel slung around his waist. He pulls out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt when he feels her lips at his back.

"I was thinking lunch with my dad first," she murmurs, resting her chin on his shoulder. "You good with that?"

"You're the boss," he jokes.

She gives him a little half-roll of her eyes, but it doesn't quite fully come through.

He reaches around for her then, presses his palm against her cheek. "Taking your lead here, Kate," he says softly.

She shakes her head. "Need you beside me, Castle. Not behind me."

In his silence, she squeezes his hand. "I'm gonna make some coffee. Want a cup?"

He swallows. "Love some."

She leaves him then, a slow walk out of his bedroom, his clothes balled in his fists, feeling so very helpless against the ache in her heart.

* * *

Their clasped hands rest inside the pocket of her coat for warmth as they walk a few blocks to a small restaurant on the corner where they'll meet her father for lunch. She's silent next to him, her eyes slipping closed every few moments to tilt her head into the winter sun, expelling frosty breath. He only watches, mesmerized by her as always.

He knows she feels him watching her, but she doesn't call him out on it, lets him have this for today.

"There's something I haven't told you," he hears her say quietly.

He cocks his head. "What is it?"

She sighs. "This is the first year - " She pauses, takes a moment. "It's the first year I've spent this day with anyone else."

"What about J-"

"It's the first year that I'll spend it with my dad, too."

"Why now?"

She bites at her lip. "Do you remember what you said to me when you proposed?"

"Not word for word, but - "

"You said that you had to scratch and claw for every inch," she reminds him softly. "And you were right. And I realized that you weren't the only one I was shutting out." She looks away from him then, gathering her thoughts. "I realized I've been shutting him out, too."

They stop in front of the diner, off to the side and out of pedestrian traffic. He peers in through the window, finds Jim sipping on a coffee in a booth in the corner. Castle thinks he looks somewhat relaxed actually, but he wonders if it'll be a different story when they're in front of him.

He turns back to Kate, her smile a little sad. "I just didn't want you to be blindsided in case things got a little awkward," she admits.

"I think he probably understands more than you think."

She nods slowly. "Only one way to find out, right?" Before she can tug him inside, he pulls her into him for a slow kiss.

"Love you," he reminds her.

He feels her smile against his cheek. "You, too."


	2. Chapter 2

Her father slides out of his seat to greet them, all tender eyes and warm smile. Castle hears her let out a breath before she drops his hand and wraps her arms around her Dad.

"Katie," he greets her softly.

She smiles, a little sad before she wordlessly slips into the booth.

"Rick," Jim says, shaking his hand. "Glad you could make it."

Castle looks over at Kate, his heart clenching in his chest as she busies herself with her coat and scarf. He turns back to Jim, quiet. "No place I'd rather be."

Kate chooses that moment to look up at them then, no doubt overhearing their little exchange. She seems to relax a little, sinking into the worn upholstery. "Sit down, would you? I'm starving," she teases. He smiles even though her tone falls a little flatter than what she's going for.

"Yes, Detective," he replies with a roll of his eyes, scooting in next to her. His hand immediately seeks out the warmth and comfort of her thigh and its mere seconds before her hand finds his, lacing their fingers together.

"I'm really in the mood for pancakes," Castle says, flipping the menu open with earnest.

"It's after noon, Castle."

"Pancakes are an acceptable meal during all hours of the day, Beckett," he huffs. "Mind your own...food."

She laughs, a small, raspy thing so uncharacteristic of her, so reminiscent of this day. But her eyes -

they're full of mirth.

Kate takes note of Jim's half-drunk coffee and flicks the watch on her wrist. "We're not late, are we, Dad?"

He shakes his head. "I woke up early this morning and left the house not too long after that. Wanted to get in as much fresh air as I could."

Kate nods a few times, swallowing roughly before she turns her attention back to the menu in front of her. He can't imagine how difficult it must be - living in the same house where you lived with your wife for so many years.

Reaching for her in the middle of the night in the bed you shared, only to turn up cold, empty hands. Watching television in the living room without her laughter filling the room, warming your insides.

Cooking dinner without her there on the counter next to you, all long, swinging legs and teasing, barely-there kisses. Your hands on her naked thighs, skimming the edges of your shirt that she wears far better than you ever could.

"Sir?"

Castle starts, his eyes snapping to the young waitress waiting to take his order.

"S-sorry," he stammers. "I'll just have a short stack of pancakes and a coffee," he says hastily, thrusting the menu into her hands.

"It'll be right out for you," she says with a smile, before turning on her heel and heading toward the counter.

"Are you all right, Rick?" her father asks.

"Yeah. Just...lost in thought, I guess." He shakes his head, forcing a small smile.

He's pretty sure Jim knows exactly what he's thinking about if the look in his eyes is any indication, but the other man just nods simply, giving him an out.

"How're the boys?" Jim asks.

Kate smiles. "They're good. I think Espo and Lanie are finally getting their act together. And Ryan's always anxiously reaching for his cell when he gets a call, so sure that Jenny's in labor."

"It's sweet," Castle adds.

"I was a nervous wreck when your mother was pregnant with you," Jim remembers. "She'd get so mad at me for hovering around her all the time. Pretty sure she threatened my life a few times."

Kate's laugh is full and clear, surprising him a little. Her eyes crinkle with the shake of her head. "Sounds like Mom."

"Should I be making a note of this?" Castle jokes.

Kate's hand freezes under his, almost out of habit, before she squeezes it, nudging his shoulder. "If you'd like to live long enough to see your second child, Castle, there'll be _no _hovering when we're pregnant."

"When, huh?" Jim asks, delight etched on his features.

A blush creeps up Kate's neck. "We've talked about it," she confirms softly.

"That's wonderful, Katie." He pauses. "Your mother would be so proud of you."

Kate bites down on her lip. "You think so?"

"There's not a doubt in my mind."

Kate ducks her head in silence, a little overwhelmed with it all, with this _day_, if Castle had to guess.

"It means a lot to me that you asked me to lunch today. It must've been difficult for you," Jim observes.

"It was," she chokes out, her voice clogging with emotion. "But Castle has shown me that it's easier to be with the ones you love, even if it doesn't seem that way at first." She turns to him then, all shiny eyes and trembling smile.

"Love you," he says softly.

She blushes because her father's right across from them and he knows she won't say it back with him there, but he's okay with that, too. Just needs her to be reminded of how very much he loves her.

"He's a smart man," Jim replies.

"I try."

Kate rolls her eyes, the natural order of things restored for the time being. Just the way she likes it.

And then his pancakes come and he shuts right up.

* * *

After they say their goodbyes to Jim, Kate takes Castle's hand and leads him away from the diner, a little lighter than this morning, he thinks.

"Where to now?"

"Home."

"Home. Really?"

She nods, stopping to face him just before they cross the intersection. She lays her hands on his chest, fiddling with the collar of his coat. "I'm thinking you and me, a Whose Line marathon, and a bottle of wine." She smiles. "And Chinese take-out for dinner."

He leans his head into hers. "Sounds like heaven."

She kisses him, sweeping her gloved hands across his cheeks. "You know I'm not goin' anywhere, right?"

"What?"

She expels a frosty breath. "I know what you were thinking about back there, Castle. I'm a detective, remember?" she nudges him.

He sighs. "It just got me thinking - your dad, everything he's been through. I've only ever looked at through your eyes, what it must be like to lose your mother. But your wife - " his voice breaks and he tries to swallow it, tries to swallow it for her, but he fails so miserably. "I can't imagine coming home to that kind of pain, Kate."

"Oh, Castle," she rasps, pressing herself tighter to him. "I'm not going anywhere, baby. Not if I have any say in the matter." Her palms bracket his face, forcing his gaze to hers. "I love you," she reminds him.

She walks beside him the whole way home.

* * *

_Complete._


End file.
